but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
