i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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