Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
