I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
