I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
