Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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