dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize