That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your cock deserves a montage
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
