I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
