You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My bed smells like the plague
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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