well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
