who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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