i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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