I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
