does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
