I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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