is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
