I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize