Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm always down for nudity.
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