You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
