If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
