i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
