RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
