He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize