What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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