Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
