super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
