I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
