The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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