dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Panties = found
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