I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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