I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
