dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
