Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
