No awkward lesbian experiences without me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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