am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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