Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
