are you still at the devil's house?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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