i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
