using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
