apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
