my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
