When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
