Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
