do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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