I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
