I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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