brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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