Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
