You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
