Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
