did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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