haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
