This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
