She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize