End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
