Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
