Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Welp...herpes.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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