Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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