I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
