...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
