you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
