I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
