Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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