So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
