I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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