Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize