Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize