No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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