I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
