update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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