I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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